You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
