that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
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drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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