Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
