I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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