hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
