Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
