I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
