M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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