oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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