i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
