It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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