His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
