wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
