So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
