I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
