You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
