my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
