so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
