The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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