Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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