Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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