It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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