Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the day after is always just damage control
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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