he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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