I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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