The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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