if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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