so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
