whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
