We're facebook friends in real life
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
