the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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