I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
