just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
