So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
