I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
