There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
