Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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