so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
