season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
