Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
