Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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