the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
