lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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