Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just cropdusted the office
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
