I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
