why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
