got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
