If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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