Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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