My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
