then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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