it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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