I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
