Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
