guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
