On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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